#DearAbi This Is How A Heart is Broken
Hope you’ve been well and started the year on a positive note. I’ve struggled to pen this missive over the past few days, attributing that to either the complexity of the subject or the difficulty I currently face trying to write of late – known in some quarters as writer’s block. Self-expression through words , written or spoken, has always come easy to me but with each passing day it’s been hard for me to pen down my thoughts. Still, I try.
Someone recently asked me if I’ve ever loved. Or, was it whether I’ve ever been in love? Either way, it’s affirmative for both. I have loved and been in love.
I wanted to tell her about you. How you still visit me in my dreams, your eyes always inviting, your smile radiant, the ethereal beauty of your visage, your laugh filling up the silence between my heart beats and the constant reminders of you the world dishes out to me. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I have been in love and had that love taken for granted. I have taken the love of others for granted. In this game of thrones, I am neither the holiest of saints nor the worst of sinners. The thing with a broken heart is that if you do not make the effort to heal it no one will do it for you. It lies there shattered in pieces.
You can only give a piece of it to the next person as you live with a constant fear of disappointment. Disappointment with the fact that neither they nor you could piece it back together. Disappointment with the fact that you can’t give them your complete self but a version that you feel won’t be easy to break.
You will say that you’re not ready. But that is far from the truth. You’re too scared to let go of the past so you can never be free. The truth sets you free, your vision sets the path but love gives you the needed push to keep on walking.
The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her. Those who find it easier to walk away than stick around. Those who think strength is hiding their weakness. Hiding how broken they are. Those with the false assumption than it’s better to avoid the “inevitable” than commit to another relationship.
You see Abi, I broke a heart and lost a good friend. It hurts more when you realize, in hindsight, how much you’ve lost. How many people you let go from your life.
I find myself tying to answer the age old question reiterated in song by Whitney, where do broken heart go?