Everyone experiences depression in their own individual ways. To some it feels like you’re stuck in a dark tunnel, searching for the light at the end but you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. To others it feels like a dark cloud hovering above your head with periodic spells of sunshine. Those dark moments come with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and a sadness your soul can not comprehend.
It feels like each day is a constant battle with your inner self. From the moment you wake up and start wondering why you need to get out of bed. A tiresome way to start your day but luckily you have a job to go to or a class to attend so you force yourself out of that ball of warmth and brace yourself for another day.
The loneliness is the easiest bit to hide. You just have to smile more, be proactive in your interaction with others and make yourself the life of the party. You check up on you girlfriend/boyfriend, tell your best friend all about last night or listen to that special song that will have you rocking your head from side to side. To the world, you’re the happiest person in the room.
The sadness is the hardest bit to hide. If someone looks hard enough into your eyes they’ll notice a certain spark is missing. There’s the sigh and your shoulders seem to be bearing the biggest brunt of your tag of war with gravity.
Autopilot. That’s how you get through the day. You’ve mastered that art. What to listen to. Who to talk with. How to narrate your life as the most epic adventure in the eyes of your audience. You’ve mastered the script and even added a few personal touches. By the time it’s time to head home, you might as well ask for an Oscar.
But then again this is the worst part of your day. You dread what awaits when everyone has gone their separate ways and the cloud decides to bless you with a light shower of tears and self-pity.
No need to go home early. Next stop is the local bar. There’s a dryness in your throat that needs to be quenched. You crave the buzz in your head as the alcohol slowly takes its toll on your body. There’s a football match showing. Your favorite team is playing. A perfect distraction to what would otherwise be a lonesome evening.
By the time you get to bed you’ll be as drunk as a fish. Your team won and this beautiful lass gave you her number. The cost of this distraction might have dug into your financial gold mine but that is the price of sadness.