I’ve been struggling to write this letter, over the past week, as the words don’t seem to make it from my heart to the screen anymore. It’s like every time I sit down to write, a dark fog clouds the clarity of my thoughts and whatever’s written doesn’t convey the truth of what I really want to say.
Music seems to be my only escape of late. Long hours are spent browsing the internet for songs, both familiar and new. The rest of the time is spent jamming and learning more ways to play the guitar. As Tuff Gong put it, ” One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain.”
Sonder’s Into EP has been one of my favorite listens of late. The chorus to Feel brings out some profound emotions about the state of my romantic relationships or lack of it/them.
If I was to best describe my heart, at this moment, I’d say it feels more like a hotel. I’ve had many people come and go, leaving a bit of themselves and taking something with them. Nothing ever feels like it’s meant to be for the long term and, it’s quite unfortunate that, I feel like I have settled and become accustomed to it.
The loneliness hits you hard at times though. It comes slowly like a thief in the night, stealing the little happiness, I have at the time, and leaving me feeling empty inside. Coupled with the depression, it can really leave me in a bad state mentally but I am hopeful for some light at the end of the tunnel.
They say change is inevitable and with it comes better tidings. And so, I’m laying the foundation, by taking better care of myself, as I wait for the universe to bring someone along to help make my heart a home.